LIfe begins after 50?! Oh yes!

Life in the 'middle ages' isn't at all what I grew up expecting. I don't have white hair (I only color once a month), my teeth haven't fallen out, I can still get into my worn old comfortable jeans (alright...so they may have stretched a little), I can navigate through the WII Fit (because I chose a male trainer) without falling off the WII board more than twice, and my hot flashes are not so bad (during the day at least). I admit that the backsides of my thighs have those darn crinkly wrinkles from that stuff they call cellulite, but at least my bust size has increased (probably due to the new underwire wonder for saggy women).

Other than that....life is good. My husband has a Harley and I have become a 'Harley Babe'. I even have a Harley leather jacket! Ok, I admit I found it a Goodwill, but you can barely see the worn-through spots and I used a Sharpie to correct the spelling of 'Harlay' on the back. But riding on the back of a hog is exciting and once I figured out to put my scarf on the inside of my jacket instead of tied in a bow around the neck of my coat, I stayed pretty warm and I didn't have welt marks from the scarf slapping my face. That was a plus.

I've decided to go back to college to complete a degree I started in 1976. Hurray! Online classes no less. How hard can they be? Taking 8 credit hours should be a piece of cake. After all, I have a ton of life experience to draw from, right? It only took me forty hours to setup my D2L mailbox. For some reason, my name kept appearing as Lunee instead of Laura. At least it was close. I remember my first online discussion question post. It read: "Hello everyone! Please note that my name is Laura, not Lunee as listed above. I am excited to be on this adventure with you but I must admit, I will need to burn the midnight oil to complete the work on time. I hope you all have a great class." I did not have to wait long for a response. Lynn224 replied "Wow. I didn't know those kind of lamps still existed. Where do you get the oil from?" I thought about explaining, but nah. I replied "Walmart of course."

Join me on my new BLOG adventure! This is my first BLOG and I'd love to hear from you. It's easy....Go to the lower right hand side of the page and click 'FOLLOW', then post a message and we'll chat!

TRANSPLANTED FAITH is now published and I welcome any comments you may have! Find it on my author website or Amazon.com in paperback and ebook formats.



Take care and BLOG soon!


Blessings on your day! Laura Hern








Living on the wild side!

Living on the wild side!
"Boss Hog"

Saturday, March 31, 2012

How do you spell "A-M-A-Z-O-N?"

Whew!!! For a first time author, launching a release on Amazon.com is not a task for the faint of heart!  Transplanted Faith went live on Amazon this week and the sales were beyond my expectations.  Let me say 'THANK YOU' to those who support me.  I could not have done this without you!

Now the hard part begins.....getting people to find the book!  How hard is that?  On a scale of 1-10 I's say about 99.  Why? Let's just say when I looked at Transplanted Faith's Amazon page for the first time, my palms were sweaty, my heart was beating out of my chest, and my eyes had crossed from the hundreds of times I proofed the copy!  I saw the book, the ebook, and the links!  Whoopie! I was doing the 'happy dance' all around my little 10 X 10 room where I write.  Happy, happy, happy!!!

Then I noticed my ranking (given to me by the Amazon gods of mathematics) was 1,321,589.  I strained to get my face closer to the computer screen in disbelief, tripped over the plastic floor mat my chair sits on, flung my arms out to brace my fall and knocked off every paper, pencil, computer screen, mouse, tissues, and Oreo cookie crumbs that were on the desk onto the floor!  It was the 'THUD' that was heard around the world.  Not only did I now have to spring-clean my 'office', my arms were bruised almost as much as my pride was and I had destroyed my stash of Oreos! 1,321,589?  Holy Moly.....talk about having no place to go but up!

I know that they are at least a bazillion books on Amazon and being in the 1 millions is better than 1trillion, but it was a reality check for sure.  So, I got up and bandaged my left elbow, rebooted my computer and mouse and made a vow that I would try to get raise my 'rank' into at least the 100,000s.  I am determined to work day and night, telling every soul who will listen about my ranking plight.  Work, work, work.  When do I plan to start? As soon as I get back from Wal-Mart with a new case of Oreos!
Blessings, Laura 

https://www.amazon.com/author/laurabhern

www.authorsden.com/laurahern

http://laurahern.weebly.com

Twitter: Laura Hern

https://www.facebook.com/laurabichlerhern




Sunday, April 3, 2011

What's swirling inside my brain......

What's swirling inside my brain this early April afternoon? Colors...neon colors to be precise. Greens, royal blues, yellows, and lots of purple. Where can one go to find answers as to why the centrifuge of colors is filling my little brain? The net of course!! Using my handy-dandy Google search bar, I have discovered thousands of possibilities, all within 1 second of hitting the 'enter'tab. First on the list...I'm psychic (or psychotic as that was the second choice). I'm afraid I don't solve mysteries or find hidden bodies for NCIS and as far as psychotic--the only hallucinations I'm having is looking out the front room window and trying to turn snow in to green grass. But most people in Minnesota do that around this time of the year anyway.

Third on the list that the all-knowing-search guru found.....my chakras are out of balance. If that is the case, I am going to get a refund down at the Quicky Lube because I had my tires rotated yesterday and they should have balanced those chakras thingies too!

Fourth....I may be full of windorphins. Now I have been known to talk quite a bit and be a litte 'windy' sometimes, but I have never been accused of dorphing! I could not stop my fingers from probing this idea and so I quickly typed 'windorphins, definition'. Seems windorphins are fake chemical reactions that produce endorphins when you win too many online auctions. Hey! Who is monitoring my ebay history anyway??? Guess it's time to change my buyer I.D. That should take care of that.

The Internet gave me pages and pages and pages of possible reasons why my mind has these neon colors swirling around in my brain. My favorite one? A researcher had done a study to determine if eating crayola crayons would color a child's perception (and their teeth no doubt). This was a national project where he studied 500 children who regularly ate crayons. It seems red, black, and blue were the favorites. Hmmm...maybe I'm in the wrong business.

My solution choice? Guess I'd better stop following the 'playdough' diet! :-)

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Authors Den

Check out this terrific sight where readers can find authors and a plethora of fantastic books! Click on the link 'Become a Fan' on the left hand side. Then click 'books' to read an excerpt from 'Transplanted Faith'. Blessings!

http://www.authorsden.com/laurahern

Thursday, March 10, 2011

March Madness? Nope. Golf-widow season begins again!

In Minnesota, the arrival of March creates a collage of emotions that can make men and women alike shudder and say "Whuffta". The ice fishermen shed a tear as they attach their frozen-hut hideaways to their Ford trucks and drive off the thawing lake, leaving behind their joyful memories of the big one that got-away and hundreds of 8 inch little round holes that will quickly disappear.
The avid sports buffs are drooling over the college Sweet Sixteen and the Twins spring training prospects, already making predictions about a World Series win and lamenting over the Timber puppies dismal record.

Ah.....March brings a glimmer of hope that snowy, cold evenings spent playing cards with buddies and drinking beer will soon to be a thing of the past. Can you hear it? You have to listen so carefully, but you can hear it. Men gather up cleaning supplies, trudging through melting snow and ice to their sheds in the back yard. They stop and take a deep breath before turning the old lock, 36 left, 11 right, 3 left. They slide the door open and walk inside. They drop their supplies as their gaze turns toward an upright shadow in the left corner of the shed. Their eyes grow wider and their mouths curl into a satisfying grin. They rub their hands together in sheer delight! "My golf clubs!" They exclaim. "Come to daddy!"

Just this morning my husband got on a plane heading for sunny Arizona with 7 of his friends to play 36 holes of golf everyday for the next 10 days. Hmmm....at home he is asleep by 7pm, exhausted and unable to take his wife to a movie. Perhaps the Arizona air gives one more stamina, more energy, more testosterone?
And what causes women in Minnesota to say "Whuffta" to being a golf-widow? I think can of a few things......time by myself, shopping, reading, relaxing in the hot tub, watching a cheezy romantic movie like the Matchmaker from 1989 and of course... not having to share my Oreos!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Somewhat 'blog' challenged

After feeling like a middle-aged 'super blogger' (having just completed the lengthy process of setting up my first blog site), five days later my dreams are becoming nightmares as I can't for the life of me figure out a way to place a small, seemingly insignificant little icon on the bottom of my post that says 'COMMENT'. Climbing Mt. Everest would be easier than tracing the whereabouts of this 'COMMENT'. So, my last resort is to beg and plead for help from any of you that might have seen this illusive little button. If you have an idea or know how to return this 'COMMENT' to it's rightful place, please email me ASAP! Until then....I will sadly continue to be 'COMMENT-LESS'.

Blessings on your day!
Laura